Each year, the average person swallows 46,000 spiders in his or her sleep, meaning that, statistically speaking, you currently have 12 spiders in your mouth. But unintended nocturnal arachnid consumption isn't the only nuisance you might encounter in your sleep:
Restless Leg Syndrome: Doctors sometimes refer to the subconscious kicking experienced during sleep by bicyclers as "night dancing" or "bottom-arm move around." To prevent it, sufferers should sleep with their legs caught under a toppled bookcase.
Sleep Apnea: Nine times worse than its medical cousin, awakey breath, sufferers of this condition experience gaps in their breathing, as if watching a movie with a particularly shocking dance sequence. Though incurable, you can nullify sleep apnea's effects by breathing through your ears—stop breathing through your nose and mouth and eventually your ears will take over.
Snoring: Even the softest snore is a sign of impending death—the death of a good night's sleep. Luckily, snoring is incredibly easy to cure—simply alter your current sleep pattern by replacing your normal resting hours with an unending nightmarescape of insomnia-induced vacuuming.
1 comment:
Having trouble sleeping, are we?
My mom used to vaccum when she couldn't sleep. Sometimes she would vaccum my bedroom at like 5:30 in the morning. Then, when I woke up grumpy she just grumped back at me. But, she was indeed a loving mom, it just didn't shine through during those early morning vaccums.
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